i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
