she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just pee around me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
