You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
