I heard we made out
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
