i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize