Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
