It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
