now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
