yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize