so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
