So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize