pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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