Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
