absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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