Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
