I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
