Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
