The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
