So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
