Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
