Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize