I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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