My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
