I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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