I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
