i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Help. Why am I so naked?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
