I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
