Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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