i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize