She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
