GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
