The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
