The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
