Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
