wakey wakey hands off snakey
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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