I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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