The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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