I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
