First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she told me i tasted like america
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
