I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
