Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
