Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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