i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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