Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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