i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
