ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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