You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
