Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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