Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
