AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize