why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize