I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
