i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
