New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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