Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she told me i tasted like america
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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