She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did I show you my penis last night?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
