guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
