so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
