hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
