Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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