mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
