I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
