hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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