This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
