I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
