If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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