Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
