So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
