yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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