how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize