I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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