officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
