96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
