I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
