i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize