Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
honey bunches of taint.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
